No relationship is free from friction. Fighting is a part of any close relationship. Fighting is not what leads to disconnection and even divorce between couples; it’s how they fight, leading to separation. As a marriage and family therapist and certified EFT couple’s therapist, I do relationship coaching and help couples understand the negative moves they do when differences arise between them and learn new positive moves that can bring them closer and get what they need. The mother of family therapy, Virginia Satir, explains how the problem between people is not the problem; the problem is how people deal with the problem. Therefore, as an EFT therapist and couple’s therapist, I help my clients fight right.
How To Fight Right?
Couples need to understand that differences between them are inevitable because they are by nature two different individuals with different life experiences, backgrounds, genders, opinions, and beliefs. You cannot expect your partner to view the world from the same lens as yours, or else you would have just married yourself. These differences are what make the journey together exciting and the relationship unique. These differences should not lead to escalation and disconnection.
To fight right, you need to be aware of an equation made up of three parts that lead to a win-win situation. The three parts of the equation are the self, the other, and the context. How you handle these three parts can make you build bridges together when differences arise or burn them.
The part related to the self is connected to your feelings, perceptions, and behaviors in any situation. This is the only part you have complete control over. When you find yourself in a triggering situation, it is essential to be aware of what is going on with you internally before you act. Fights are usually the result of being in a reactive and impulsive state where you either withdrawing or chase your partner. Both tactics lead to escalation, more misunderstanding, and pain. So instead of yelling, criticizing, being passive-aggressive, or giving the silent treatment, choose to be open about what you need. Remember, your partner cannot read your mind, and clear communication is key to loving relationships.
It is essential to realize that the part related to the other or you have no control over their reactions, perceptions, or emotions. Try to find the positive intention of how your partner is behaving. Choose to function from a place of curiosity and actively listen to your partner to understand and not respond. Accept that nobody is perfect and try to find the common goal between both of you.
As for the context, make sure to explore whether the issue is worth losing one another over it or not. Remember to focus on the problem in the present moment and not attack the person. It doesn’t help dig in the past, bring up older issues, and put them on the table, making things worse.
Do Marriage Counseling and Couples Therapy Now
If you would like to create a stronger connection with your partner, now is the time to be proactive and get engaged in couples counseling and couples’ therapy. Marriage and family therapy help you strengthen your relationship and become better partners and parents for your children. It is essential to understand that involving an experienced, caring, and non-judgmental couples’ therapist can make a huge difference. As a Marriage and Family Therapist based in Dubai, I work with couples from all over the world to overcome the challenges they face in their relationship. Marriage counseling in Dubai and Couples therapy in Dubai is incredibly effective. If you are searching for a professional and a highly qualified marriage counselor and couple’s therapist, an ICEEFT certified Emotionally Focused Couples Therapist (EFT) in Dubai, to help you get through your difficult times, please reach out to me. I meet my clients face to face in my office in Dubai or do marriage and family counseling online via zoom. If you are anywhere in the world and feel like speaking to a Family and Couples Counselor and doing couples therapy at the convenience of your home, please contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org or WhatsApp me on 00971502369395.