Have you ever had a conversation that was really hard with someone that is so important to you? What was that like? How did you feel after having this conversation? Surprisingly a lot of us either avoid having the hard conversations all together because we are so afraid that the relationship could become strained or we protest by constantly being angry and critical at our partner hoping that they might understand that we are suffering. Both tactics of avoidance and protest just make things worse. Apparently, you end up more distant and disconnected from your partner. As a marriage and family therapist, I can assure you that the quality of your relationship will tremendously improve the more you are willing to have hard conversations with your partner.
What are the difficult conversations?
Difficult conversations are those that are related to sensitive issues that couples are terrified to talk about. Unmet needs, relationship fears, emotional and sexual longings, personal insecurities or behaviors that have harmed the relationship are all examples of difficult conversations. Just thinking about discussing these issues could be very scary in itself.
How can difficult conversations be good for your relationship?
Of course, hard conversations are indeed very hard. But avoiding them leads to resentment building up and time being deeply loved wasted. It also causes your relationship to suffer as a result of the stress that happens from withdrawing from your partner or pursuing your partner. It takes courage to be vulnerable and have hard conversations but without vulnerability, there can never really be true intimacy. The cost you will pay for not having these difficult conversations is that you will never be your true authentic self with the one person that you are sharing your life with. These conversations are really the key to creating a closer connection with your partner. Daring to take the risk and speak your truth with your partner is not easy. In fact, it could be very painful and discomforting. However, the relief you will feel after having the conversation will be worth the pain because it will make you better understand each other.
How can you have the hard conversations in a way that brings you closer together?
Effective communication is at the heart of having hard conversations that bring you closer together. As a couple’s therapist, I advise my clients to use the following guidelines when having hard conversations:
- Focus on the here and now.
- Express clearly your fears, unmet needs and longings.
- Use “I” statements and avoid blaming and criticizing your partner.
- Remember you are on the same team and the aim is to create more love.
- Listen actively to your partner to understand and not to defend or argue.
- Be curious about your partner’s experience.
- Show empathy.
- Have compassion.
- Make sure that your body language, tone of voice and words match your intention to solve the problem and not to escalate matters.
- Function from a place of love.
Do Marriage Counseling and Couples Therapy Now
If you are finding it difficult to have a hard conversation with your partner, then now is the time to be proactive and get engaged in couples counseling and couples’ therapy. Marriage and family therapy help you have these hard conversations in a safe space where you are both validated. It is important to understand that involving an experienced, caring and non-judgmental couples’ therapist can make a huge difference. As a Marriage and Family Therapist based in Dubai, I work with couples from all over the world to overcome the challenges they face in their relationship. Marriage counseling in Dubai and Couples therapy in Dubai are extremely effective. So, if you are searching for a professional and a highly qualified marriage counselor and couple’s therapist that is an ICEEFT certified Emotionally Focused Couples Therapist (EFT) in Dubai, to help you get through your difficult times, please reach out to me. I meet my clients face to face in my office in Dubai or do marriage and family counseling online via zoom. So if you are anywhere in the world and feel like speaking to a Family and Couples Counselor and doing couples therapy at the convenience of your home please contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org or WhatsApp me on 00971502369395.