Why love goes wrong is a question that is asked by many. How come a relationship that was ideal at the beginning with so much passion and emotions takes a major detour? How come after feeling like you are so loved and important you end up feeling inadequate and intimidated?
The Story of Love in EFT Couples Therapy
Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT) has the answer to the question of why love goes wrong and what to do about it. When the couple first fall in love, they each long to feel secure and have a deep emotional connection. They hope to be understood and appreciated by one another. In the beginning, they are infatuated with one another and show the best version of themselves to one another. Then naturally disagreements start getting in the way. They become more and more distant as talking about the problems leads to more fighting between them. The couple ends up focusing on what they are fighting about instead of how they are fighting. They get stuck in a rigid negative cycle that takes them over where the love is lost in the middle. This cycle makes each one of them mistakenly think that the other doesn’t care. So, they end up both feeling lonely, misunderstood, and frustrated.
Tips on How to Make Love Stronger Than Ever
- Realizing that your actual enemy is not each other but the cycle that you are stuck in.
- Acknowledging your part in the negative cycle and understanding that what you do when you feel sad, lonely, and afraid is actually what pushes your partner away. Couples usually do one of two things when they have those softer feelings; they either pursue the other in a very critical way that makes the other feel unappreciated and defensive. Or they withdraw, which makes the other feel lonely and unimportant. Both coping mechanisms pull you further apart.
- Reveal your vulnerable side to your partner. Vulnerability leads to intimacy. Show your partner your softer emotions instead of your anger and frustration.
- Function from a place of love, not fear. Act in a proactive manner expressing your concerns and longings instead of acting in a reactive angry way.
- Remember, you are a team, and it is more important to be happy than right. So, for both of you to feel loved, it has to be a win-win situation.
- Always assume your partner’s positive intention and understand that they have an excellent reason to feeling a certain way or doing a particular thing.
- Be curious about your partner, and try to listen to them to understand their perspective and not respond.
- Do not take what your partner is doing personally. It’s not always about you. It is mostly about them.
On a final note, I am proud to state that I am the first and only certified EFT therapist in the United Arab Emirates and one of EFT’s leading pioneers in the Middle East region. I am also the only one entirely based and practicing in the Arab world. Online counseling is impactful, so if you feel like speaking to a Marriage Counselor and do couples therapy at the convenience of your home, please contact me on ds@www.daliasheiha.com or WhatsApp me on 00971502369395.